Thinking of Mother’s Day and day-to-day life.

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It’s early on Friday morning and I had my second taxol chemo yesterday.  So far so good.  While recovery from the first one saw me dreadfully tired and feeling ill on and off, it wasn’t as bad as the nasty stuff.  Just feeling better in time for the second one!

I’ve lost most of my hair except for a fine fuzz and most of my eyebrows and eyelashes – not happy about the bald-faced, chemo-turtle look… I don’t go out of the house without drawing my eyebrows on, but it’s getting harder to follow the lines.  I’ll be doing that for awhile yet as this chemo regime is also hard on the hair.  But I do have some fun with the wigs and scarves.  I was at my rehab exercise place the other day and one of the physios didn’t recognise me.  She worked out that it was because I had a different brightly coloured cap on than the last time she saw me.  I told  her that without hair, I didn’t have to keep the same look every day and could mix it up a bit.  I tend to only use the wig when I’m “out in public” – scarves and beanies the rest of the time and nothing at home unless my poor head gets cold.

Mother’s Day is on Sunday and I really had thought that I would walk in the Mother’s Day Classic this year ( a silly expectation).  Last time I did it was in my sister, Lori’s name, and I had James (a 3 year old at the time) in a stroller, Francesca (a nearly 3 month old in a sling), and I was probably pregnant with Elena but didn’t know it.  Four weeks ago, I would have been fine to do it because I was managing a 5km walk every day but the last AC chemo knocked me so much and I haven’t managed to get my cardio fitness back up.  I’m still getting very breathless when I do anything exercisey and my resting heart rate is on a rollercoaster.  I don’t think it would be a good look to get halfway round the course and have to call the paramedics!  And, of course, I would have the 30km drive home afterwards which knocks me enough.  So, on the calendar for next year…

Mother’s Day will be a bit emotional, I think.  On one hand, I have never really thought of it as particularly special – more of a marketing gimmick – particularly since losing my Mum.  I’ve always told the kids that it’s not a big deal.  But this year I’m finding that it’s a bit of a marker.  While I know that if the cancer hadn’t been found, I would be still thinking the same as before and no doubt would be feeling a whole lot healthier, I also know that I would be facing far fewer Mother’s Days than I expected.  My hope is that my kids will have many years of thinking, “Damn – Mum will expect to see me on Sunday!”  …though if they’re parents themselves, I’ll let them off and they can see me on Saturday instead!

Anyway, life goes on around chemo and trying to conserve what energy reserves I have.  School planning for next year for Elena, James needs new uniform, dentists need to be seen, kids’ social activities to happen, physio programmes done to get back to strength… At least I don’t have to worry about what to feed the kids for lunch or snacks at the moment.  My fridge contains sausage rolls from my talented neighbour, Janet – I just have to control them from scoffing them all at once.  Thanks, Janet!

I’m also looking forward to next weekend when my lovely friends, Leonie, Sheryl, Ann and Robin have organised to have High Tea at my place.   Last time I actually saw most of them, was the weekend I was waiting to go to my Breastscreen recall appointment and was completely distracted but didn’t realise it showed so much and I didn’t tell anyone why.  So, it will be wonderful to see you girls again and be a lot more relaxed!  It’s funny saying “girls” at our age but that’s what we were when we all first met – nearly 37 years ago!

Almost time for the family to emerge for the “getting ready for school” rush so I’d better wind up.