Still no results

I thought I’d get the results from the surgery late last week.  No joy.  I waited all through the long weekend, thinking that I would hear on Tuesday, but no phone call.  I guess they’re bogged down at the Path Lab due to the Christmas break but I want to know if I have to go back in for more surgery.  Or do I?  While I’m recovering from this better than I thought I would, I’m definitely not relishing the possibility of having to do it again.  I still can’t lift my arm, the whole area aches, I still can’t sleep, I think I’m starting to react to the adhesive on the dressings, and I’ve got what feels like friction burn under my arm (but could be adhesive reaction, nerve damage or the start of cellulitis).  And further surgery will no doubt mean not just a full mastectomy but also an axillary clearance which scares me more as it brings a big risk of lymphodaema and loss of strength in my arm.  And, of course, would mean that the cancer was on the move.

The GP said on Friday that I’m not to consider working at all in first term as I will almost certainly have radiation therapy as part of my treatment and that will knock me around.  That idea has been hard to cope with as I love my job, my colleagues are great and I really like working there.   But I’m not stupid – I agree with her that my health comes first and even before this happened, I was often so tired at the end of the day.

On the positive side, I am  healing well as far as I know.  The breast cancer kit that they hand out to everyone on this “journey” (hate that term and it seems that many other BC sufferers do too) says that regular exercise can reduce recurrence by 24% so I have started.  I was swimming in the short period before surgery but until I can go back in the water, that’s off the cards – not that I’d be able to stretch my arm out at the moment.  I am, however, trying to walk at least 5km each day.  I haven’t been able to do it in one go yet but taking two bites at it.  And when I get the go ahead to do more, I will.  I look at this as treatment for both body and mind.

Dave came home from the regular CFS training last night and gave me a card that had been signed by his colleagues there and told me that everyone had been asking after me.  It’s lovely that they are supportive and really important that Dave has that outlet and camaraderie.

With any luck, the phone will ring today and I will know what my immediate direction is – further surgery or meeting my oncologist.

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