Out of Sorts – not really an update

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I’ve just been on my morning walk which is about the only exercise I can do at the moment and is the only thing that I feel is under my control.  It’s always a time for reflection but this morning I was just irritable.  Possible annoyed because I mixed up my appointment yesterday and those sort of organisational things that I have always been on top of seem to escape me at the moment.  So, rather than an update, this post is going to be a rant so please don’t read if you don’t want to hear me whinge.

My walking started with thinking that I’ve got to organise all of the many papers I’ve collected over the last 6 weeks into something that makes sense which led me to remembering the “My Journey” kit that the Breast Cancer Council gives out.  At first, I found that term slightly ridiculous but now I find it incredibly offensive.  Would anyone dream of telling someone with brain cancer, prostate cancer, blood cancer, that it was a journey?  Of course not!  So why is it okay to use those words to describe breast cancer?  My desperate and pathetic attempts to escape the clutches of the monster from Hell… yes… journey… no!  Excuse me while I have bits of myself cut off, have myself poisoned and irradiated – doesn’t sound like much of a journey, does it?  And while I’m at it, that awful pink lady toilet logo.  I’ve never described myself as a lady and I’ve never been fond of pink with all the girly connotations it has.  It’s all so sweet and twee and slightly patronising.  It says “there, there, you’ll be fine” just don’t make a fuss.  And that leads me on to the rubbish about being strong because women are.  Sorry, to me that just says “put up”.  I’m just a woman.  I’m no stronger than a man.  I take things step by step as otherwise it would be overwhelming; I have times when I’m positive; I have times when I’m teary; I have times when I’m angry as hell.  The only difference is that our culture has this myth about women and their ability to deal with stuff and we all buy into it.

Okay, don’t get me wrong… I’m truly appreciative of the support and care I’ve been able to access and the fundraising and awareness that has enabled treatments to improve and keep improving.  I’ve just never liked being put in a box because I’m female.

End of rant for now.