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It’s early Monday morning and I can hear outside that we’re finally getting some rain. It’s going to be an interesting drive to school today. And this is my last day of being 54 as tomorrow is my birthday. My last birthday seems much longer than a year ago – it’s in the very distant past. This year has gone so slowly. You would think, at my age that was a good thing but not so. Everyone keeps saying that I’m looking good (that seems to be an effect of the chemo, believe it or not – and lot’s of makeup), but I look in the mirror and I feel like I’ve aged 10 years in 8 months. Maybe when things settle down and my eyebrows grow back, I’ll feel a bit better about the way I look.
It’s now been 2 1/2 weeks since my last chemo. I knew the side effects wouldn’t disappear straight away but I had hoped that I would be feeling better than I am. My gut is still completely off-line (too much info?), fatigue is debilitating, headaches are bad, and I have an interesting new one – oedema; which has caused me to develop a lovely set of luggage under my eyes! I’ve never had bags under my eyes – circles, yes – bags, no. Funnily enough, the side effect that worried me the most, the peripheral neuropathy, seems to be getting better the quickest. It ramped up for about a week after the last chemo and now is slowly dissipating. Oh! and I forgot the cording! How could I forget the cording? It flared badly after my last chemo and is projecting pain from my underarm through to my wrist – what joy. I’m seeing the physio for therapy as I’ve got to get the movement back in it; firstly so I don’t trigger lymphoedema and secondly, because radiotherapy is going to make things tighter. This is the most expensive treatment I’ve had to have so far. As I understand it, it’s because lymphoedema treatment does not have an item number under Medicare. This is one of the hidden after-costs of breast cancer and effects many women. Actually, it’s one of the hidden costs of any cancer surgery where lymph nodes are removed and it is incredibly debilitating if it sets in. I mention this because it’s one of the current drives for recognition by the Breast Cancer Network.
I’m still going to my exercise classes and they tell me that their assessment says I’m getting stronger which is good news. I’m not sure I will be able to go back after this week though because my radiation appointments are likely to clash. I also went swimming last week at the ARC – slowest 250m I’ve ever done but I felt pretty good about myself afterwards. And I managed a 5km walk on Saturday morning and a 3k walk on Sunday morning (that’s my sunrise photo at the top – not the best one but the others were too big to publish). So, I’m gradually getting my strength back which is good on three levels – just to be fitter again, to reduce the chances of recurrence, and to reduce the likelihood of lymphoedema from doing too much with that arm. Mind you, this is all done in the morning and then I collapse, completely exhausted, for the rest of the day. But I do that anyway without the exercise so, no loss.
My poor Francesca has been home from school since last Wednesday with a really bad cold. I feel so sorry for her and it’s been so hard to keep my distance a bit – all I want to do is hug her close when she’s feeling so poorly. I hope that my immune system is getting stronger but one of her symptoms is an uncontrollable cough which I just can’t afford to get when I’m going to have to be lying perfectly still.
Radiation starts on Thursday so that will be a new experience for me. I’ll be having that for 15 days at the RAH (hopefully they won’t lose me this time), and hopefully, given that it’s only 15 days, I won’t burn too badly. And on Thursday I’ll also be seeing my oncologist to review things and to find out what my next step is going to be on this never-ending rollercoaster (dis)assembly line that is breast cancer treatment.