Bandicoots

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So, it’s 5am and I’ve been awake since 3am and I just know that by late morning, I’ll be done for the day.  My Mum used to have a saying that we always teased her about.  Whenever she was feeling down, she’d say that she was “as miserable as a bandicoot”.  Well, there seems to be a misery of bandicoots around here sometimes.  At the moment, I’m feeling completely fed up.  While the worst of the chemo effects are gone for the moment (don’t watch this space next week because I probably won’t be able to read let alone type), I’m sick of not being able to sleep, feeling exhausted all of the time, not being able to string two thoughts together, and generally being a waste of space.  My neck and shoulders are aching and giving me constant headaches, the muscles around the mastectomy site hurt, I’ve got nerve damage (temporary? permanent?) under that arm which hurts… I miss work and I’m bored but tiredness, risk of infection, and addled brain (plus the ridiculous rules around income protection) vetoes that.  Infection risk means that I’m going to have to meet my friend in a park on Saturday rather than just chill out at her place (sorry, Katy) – I hope the weather is going to be kind.  And I’ve got my fingers crossed that Sheryl and her Mum aren’t going to come down with sniffles when they wake up this morning as I’m looking forward to seeing them today (Shez – sorry in advance about the yawning.  I promise I will stay awake.)

Since the worst effects of the chemo wore off, I’ve been walking 5km each morning before everyone gets up, while I have a modicum of energy for the day.  Hopefully, apart from the long-term survival benefits, this will have a shorter-term benefit in helping me to tolerate the next chemo treatment in a week’s time (I’m so NOT looking forward to it) and maybe recover a bit quicker.  Apart from this and the morning school run (2 hours return trip), that’s pretty much all I’m up for these days.  As I said…waste of space.  And my poor girls…trying to sort some sort of birthday celebrations for each of them around my chemo treatments and whether or not I’m up for them having a friend or two around.  Not fair! Not fair! Not fair!

Okay, ranting over – bandicoots have obviously moved in for a while.